Therapy...

This afternoon, Cary and I went home for a bit to see the older 3 kids, then came back and brought Kennedy and Jude with us. They hung out in our room for a while, visited with Shep when he came over from the nursery, ate dinner in the hospital cafeteria with us, then Cary took them home. He, Janey, and all 3 kids will stay at our house tonight. Cary has to get some more study time before tomorrow morning and a decent night's sleep to be able to make it through a Sunday.

I am here at the hospital alone. I handled it during the day yesterday without any problem. However, I cried tonight as they left. I'm sad. I can't really explain why. I know it's hormones, but that explanation just makes me angry...many of you understand my anger in that. It's not JUST hormones. Yes, it IS hormones, but it's not JUST hormones. That makes it sound like it's supposed to be easy. That makes it sound like we are supposed to just dry up the tears and roll with the punches. Yes, as a dear friend said about me this week, I am "tougher than woodpecker lips." And most of the time women pride ourselves on that. We want to be tough, society expects us to be tough. But sometimes, being tough is tiring. Sometimes I want and need to be the weak woman that cries on my man's shoulder. If I am honest, I need that more often than I ever show it. It's not that I don't absolutely love my life and everything about it. I know I am truly blessed and I am thankful for all the blessings...all of which I don't deserve. It's that women just need a good cry sometimes. It's a release for us.

Personally, I don't like the woman I become as a result of "hormones". I'm impatient, demanding, whiney, negative and generally a cranky-pants. I have/am talking to GOD more and more about this issue and I know that with HIS help, it can, and will, be overcome.

So, what's the point of this post? Good question. I have been wondering that the entire time I was typing. Journaling maybe? Just getting my thoughts out on "paper"? It's therapeutic for me to write. I bet I have written a million posts that never actually got posted to the blog...some got posted only to be immediately deleted before anyone had the opportunity to read them. So, we'll go with therapy...mental therapy. Just trying to make it through an emotional time with some of my sanity still in tact.